So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
