Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
