i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
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and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
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WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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