i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
