I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
