I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
