woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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