I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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