is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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