Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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