I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
