and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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