I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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