she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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