I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
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I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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