drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
