3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
