I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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