I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Randomize
