So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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