ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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