Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
