In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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