i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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