Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
