she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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