Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
