Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
