Having a random hookup so left but love u
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
