well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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