I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
