I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
