no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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