i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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