how can u be prego again
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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