I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
