My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
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I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
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I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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