You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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