dude i'm inner monologue high
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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