Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
