Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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