If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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