New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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