Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
