So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
