Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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