somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
