Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
