Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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