I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
