If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
