She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
