Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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