her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
