I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
