I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
this is an emotional support booty call
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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