hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
