i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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