you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He did a backflip because drugs
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
