I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
