Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
