Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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