just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
COCAINE IS GR8
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
