The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
