so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
