yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think I died a long time ago.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The air was thick with penises
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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