suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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