Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
