She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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