Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
