you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
