He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
