I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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