it wasn't lemon gatorade
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
