If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
