Whod you bang
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
