...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
